Showing Emotion in Writing (a guest blog by Robin Patchen)
How do most of us (note—I’m one of the us) show emotions in our stories? Often, we use physiological responses. Here are a few:
- Sad—eyes filling with tears
- Angry—fists clenching or slamming stuff
- Worried—gut twisting
- Happy—smiling, grinning, laughing, chuckling, giggling
It works, it’s easy, and it makes the point. It’s perfect.
It has been said that the purpose of fiction is to evoke an emotional reaction. So let me ask you, when you read the words, “Her eyes filled with tears,” do yours? Because mine don’t. And I don’t even know what a twisting gut feels like. Those phrases may show us how your character feels, but they don’t evoke any emotions. So how do we make our readers feel along with our characters?
I don’t have a step-by-step plan. However, I have recently had an epiphany. Counselors tell us that thoughts lead to emotions, and emotions lead to actions. So what happens if you show us your characters’ thoughts and actions? Seems to me their feelings will be obvious, and you won’t need to tell us about their rumbling guts and teary eyes. And if you do it right, you can make the reader feel what your characters do. An example:
John hefted his bag and limped down the metal stairs, forcing himself not to rub that sore spot. Plenty of guys had worse injuries than his. He stared across the tarmac. A band played on the left. An array of dignitaries stood in his way. He scanned the crowd. They held signs that read Welcome home and God bless our heroes.
It was time to be a different kind of hero.
She stood beyond the suited politicians. His wife had curled her hair that day, just like he liked it. A year had passed since he’d seen her last. A year of dust and death, of protecting the innocent and chasing the guilty. A year he’d never get back.
He circled the official greeters, ignoring the protest from his colonel, and approached her. He stopped a few feet away and peered at the bundle she held in her arms. His wife shifted so he could look. Three months old. Blue eyes that looked so much like his own. Curly brown hair. The baby smiled and then turned away. John returned his gaze to his wife. “He’s perfect.”
“He looks like you.”
“I’m sorry I wasn’t—”
She stepped into his arms. “You’re here now. Home and safe. That’s all that matters.”
In that scene, we read the man’s thoughts, and we see his actions. His gut didn’t twist at the sight of those dignitaries. His heart didn’t speed up as he scanned the crowd for his wife. His eyes didn’t fill with tears when he saw his child for the first time. But he did feel something. Did you?
So how did it work? A few observations:
1-Start with a character your readers care about. I took the easy road and created a wounded hero, but I only had 200 words to work with. With an entire novel and some skill, you can make your readers care about almost anyone.
2-Let the character’s thoughts reflect his feelings. He thinks about his time overseas—“A year of dust and death…” and follows it up with, “A year he’d never get back.” Do you hear regret?
3-Give us a glimpse of the character’s desire. In this case, I added that one remark—“It was time to be a different kind of hero.” Life as he knew it was not enough for John. He wanted something more.
4-Use compelling dialog. He could have said, “Hello.” She could have responded with, “How was your trip?” But while those ordinary expressions are realistic, they don’t mean anything. Instead, dump all the banal stuff and make your dialog reflect your characters’ emotions.
5-Use snapshots to set your scene. Show the scene through the eyes of your character, so his description reflects his feelings. The dignitaries weren’t just in front of him, they “stood in his way.” He immediately looked past them to scan the crowd. And if you can think of a snapshot that resonates with readers, use it. In this case, I used a welcome home reception for soldiers. I think that touches a lot of us.
This is by no means an exhaustive list of how to charge your scenes with emotion, but it’s a start. I challenge you to go through your manuscript and find every place you’re showing emotions through physiological responses. See where you can use description, thoughts, actions, and dialog (another form of action) to evoke that emotion instead. You probably won’t be able to rid your manuscript of every tear, but maybe if your characters cry less, your readers will cry more.
Robin Patchen lives in Edmond, Oklahoma, with her husband and three teenagers. Her third book, Finding Amanda, released in April. When Robin isn’t writing or caring for her family, she works as a freelance editor at Robin’s Red Pen, where she specializes in Christian fiction. Read excerpts and find out more at her website, robinpatchen.com.
My website: http://robinpatchen.com/
Robin’s Red Pen: https://robinsredpen.wordpress.com/
Best writing instruction I’ve read in years! Thanks for reminding me that superficial words choices are boring and don’t reflect the human side of characters we might think they do.
Thanks for the thoughts. I’ve been wondering how to get rid of all the sighing. I think this is it. 🙂
I love this! Thanks so much for sharing it!
Thank you, Robin! Telling me WHAT to do to improve my writing, and SHOWING me how to do it with specific examples. So helpful!!
Glad it helped.
WOW, Robin! An epiphany for me, too! And this comes at the perfect time since I am in the process of polishing my current WIP. Thank you for these wonderful insights. Loved the second part of your closing sentence. 🙂
Thanks, MaryAnn. Best of luck as you apply it to your writing.
You are most welcome, Robin. Thanks to YOU for sharing this powerful technique.Blessings as you write for King Jesus! 🙂
Thank you, Robin, for the insights and tips in showing our characters emotions without resorting to the usual descriptors. This will help my writing enormously as I seek to evoke that all-important emotional connection with my reader.
I’m glad it helped, Henry.
This is GREAT, Robin! I’ve been trying to distinguish some of the differences between general market literature and Inspirational fiction, and I think you’ve discovered a major difference! Thanks!
Thanks, Peter. I’ve seen great handling of emotions in both the general and the inspirational fiction markets, so I’m not sure this is something that necessarily differentiates them. Often, I think it’s a matter of which authors you’re reading.
Well done, Robin!
Wonderful tips, Robin!
Great words, Robin! I use snapshots, as well.
Thanks, Kathleen. It’s so hard writing emotions and evoking emotions in fiction, I think. And there are lots of ways to do it.